Osha
In my quest for meals with discounts attached to them I always look through the “Val-Pak” collection of coupons and advertisements that come in the mail but there is rarely anything worth taking advantage of. I base this somewhat on the perpetual appearance of a coupon for Tien Fu the Chinese restaurant on 24th Street. Having worked next door to this venerable institution for 10 years I was well acquainted with the smells and smoking habits of its cooks. I saw its Val-Pak promotion as a sign of a desperate restaurant trying to drum up business and I associated even possibly reputable places with this taint. The discount coupon must have been successful for Tien Fu to a certain degree since it was always in there but it ultimately failed to save the restaurant. I recently read in the Noe Valley Voice that it is finally closing.
This past week there was a coupon for a second location of Osha that recently opened on Valencia and 19th. It was an interesting coincidence since H has been insisting for weeks that the original location of Osha on Geary and Leavenworth was a restaurant that I had been to many times. I didn’t know what she was talking about. As it turns out I just had the name wrong and I had eaten there quite a few times. The last time I ate there I brought my brother and we had some of the worst Pad Thai I had ever experienced. Part of it was that it was sweeter and fishier than the Pad Thai I was accustomed to but the noodles were also undercooked and tough. I never went back. I pride myself on making good restaurant decisions for out of town guests and I was embarrassed that I had subjected him to a mediocre meal. Before that visit I had been pretty excited about the place. Although going to another location of the same restaurant technically violates the Dinner With Vida Charter I decided that the Val-Pak 25% off coupon was too good to miss.
The Osha on Geary is typical of popular Tenderloin dives, crowded and dirty. The new Osha couldn’t be more different. It is obviously hoping for more of the trendoids that it has successfully attracted to its Tenderloin location by decorating the new location with sophisticated lighting and uncomfortable chairs. The back wall is covered with a backlit photograph of plants printed on a gauzy screen. It had a substantial altar set up with rocks, incense and fresh fruit. When we walked in I was afraid that the stylish atmosphere was going to mean haughty service—it took an uncomfortable amount of time for us to be acknowledged and seated and even then the server looked me straight in the eye and asked “table for one”? I mean, really, can you not see the child darting between my legs and putting handprints on the glass door? Once that was settled we sat at a table in the front window.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised considering how Vida acts when waiting for dinner at home but she definitely still isn’t clear on the concept of ordering before receiving food or beverages. She kept repeating more and more loudly, “they aren’t bringing us our food”. As it turned out everyone working there was perfectly nice and thought she was more cute than obnoxious. Vida was in the mood for conversation and happily chatted with everyone who approached our table. We ordered Tom Ka and Thai fried rice. I ordered the soup mild and when it arrived without any chili at all I was slightly disgruntled particularly when Vida refused to even taste it. I ordered some chili on the side and that made me happier. The soup was simple and clean—almost too clean. I didn’t mind not having the chunks of pale tomatoes and partially cooked onions that usually accompany Tom Ka but this version didn’t have one vegetable. I hate how ignorant I am of so many cuisines. I’m certain that most Asian restaurants cater to American tastes, cannibalizing their national dishes to satisfy our desire for fat, carbohydrates and meat and I wish I knew what a dish like Tom Ka is really supposed to be.
Vida took the serving spoon for the rice and started eating. I showed her how to put some on her plate and she did very well transferring it from plate to plate. This process also gave me some time to eat. For the first time in weeks of going out she actually ate. Despite having to pick out peas and green onions she loved the rice. After we finished there was a minor melt down as the server unsuccessfully tried to entice me into ordering ice cream. As far as the food, service and Vida’s three year old attention span were concerned this was the best meal we’ve had out in weeks. I forgive them for the bad Pad Thai.
Restaurant Total: 119
Baghdad Cafe Cove Cafe
Years ago I went out for a late night snack at the Baghdad Café on Noe and Market. Someone thought that dipping French fries in mayonnaise was a good idea and I happily concurred in smothering fat laden fries with more fat. I was almost instantaneously poisoned. Since then I have had an aversion to the Baghdad Café and strictly stick to ketchup. This experience was on my mind as I sat at The Cove Café on Castro contemplating the squishy roll and grayish meat that filled my au jus sandwich. I had a premonition that this meal wouldn’t be so hot as soon as we walked in the door. Having walked by the place full of breakfast diners hundreds of times I had an impression of the place as bright, clean and popular. It didn’t look so great that I had ever been seriously tempted to eat there before but I was curious enough to know why others did. As soon as I opened the door the bright yellow paint looked dull and the grout between the tiles in the floor looked as if it had been composed of years of grease and dirty shoes. I had associated the cruisy mirrors and photos of men covering the walls with a cozy gay nostalgia that didn’t hold up under closer scrutiny. The photos of anonymous men preserved for posterity seemed a poor tribute in the context of the dinginess of the restaurant. Vida and I sat at a window table and as I looked more carefully at the seats I found they were patched with an amazingly accurate color of beige vinyl tape.
The extra friendly server projected a kind of Stepford perkiness—a small town phony transported to the gritty Castro. I say this because nobody fully engaged could smile so convincingly when serving such horrible food. She came back to check on us every few minutes and while I smiled and told her everything was fine, my mind kept repeating “Mad Cow E Coli Mad Cow E Coli Mad Cow.” What a horrible and ridiculous way it would be to go—a fatal menu choice. I ordered the au jus sandwich because I wanted The Cove to be a kindly neighborhood restaurant with genuine fine diner food. I ordered Vida the hamburger knowing full well that she wouldn’t eat it and now I was suddenly fearful that she would. At least I thought to order the burger medium well. I couldn’t see into the kitchen but our food came so impossibly fast that I could pictured the cook pressing the burger into the grill until it charred and skimming the au jus from the deep fat fryer after removing the French fries. The hamburger was served on an unnaturally yellow hamburger bun with a pale tomato on the side. I winced as Vida started to eat the slice of tomato, Luckily she instinctually knew it probably should stay out of her mouth (that’s my girl!). The fries were good at least.
The food wasn’t particularly cheap considering its quality either. The sodas were not only 2 bucks but served in thick beer style mugs. Having worked in a bar I know that it is an open secret that these mugs are purposefully used to serve as little beverage as possible while creating the illusion of generosity. I suppose people don’t go to The Cove for the food anyway. I’ve never seen any children in there before. It caters to a lot of folks who have fewer choices of breakfast joints to cruise in since The Patio closed. Some, it seems, go because it reminds them of bad food wherever in the country they originally arrived from. I couldn’t have been happier to leave and never come back.
Restaurant Total: 117
